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What Your Partner Would Never Tell You About Your Pregnancy

Sep 23, 2016

Have you ever walked into a room, and without exchanging a single word with anyone in there, you just know that something is going on?

That energy, that atmosphere seems to just hang in the air like an unspoken secret, waiting for someone to pluck it down and allow it to make itself heard.

When I work closely with couples, I often feel the same thing.

Everything seems to be perfectly hunky-dory on the outside, but deep down I just know that the partner is hiding something. I just know that something is wrong. And I just can’t settle until I’ve uncovered just what this thing is.

No, it’s not your ever-expanding stomach, nor the horrible morning sickness they’ve seen you go through. Nor is it your choice in paint colour for the nursery or those unflattering pregnancy pants.

It’s something far worse than this.

It’s fear.

Now, I’ve spoken a lot in my sessions about the role of fear in a healthy pregnancy, and if you’ve attended, you’ll already know that it’s essential that we all tackle this fear. But usually, we’re talking about you- YOUR fear of labour, YOUR fear of pain, YOUR fear of possible interventions, and so on. But rarely do we consider your partner.

The thing is, your partner is often just as fearful as you are of the whole getting-baby-out malarkey. And this fear will transfer to you, magnifying and compounding everything you are worried about, and jeopardizing your chances of having a happy and peaceful labour.

For this reason it’s clearly vital that we tackle your partner’s fear too, even if they are adamant on keeping it buried inside. And that’s just what we are going to do here.

Partners often hide their emotions

As you’ve probably noticed by now, men tend to like to swallow their emotions. They’ve been conditioned to hide fear, believing that sharing it is a clear sign of weakness or femininity. But this is simply not the case. Sharing their feelings would actually help to strengthen the bond between the two of you, and help you to move forwards towards the birth.

Mostly they are worried that they will see you suffer and that they will be powerless to help.

When I’m working with hypnobirthing parents, the men always seem slightly shy and are adamant that they don’t have any worries or fears. But by the end of the sessions they end up admitting that they now feel confident, even though they didn’t admit to this fear at the start. This is always something that makes me smile!

But it also makes me worry too.

This fear could affect you more deeply than you imagine. This fear could potentially jeopardize your birth experience. Let me explain in more detail.

Partners need to face their fears too

We understand why they feel fearful about the birth- after all, we often fall into periods of doubt too. But it’s really essential that you and your partner tackle the way you are feeling about the birth together, in order to make your birth memorable for all of the right reasons.

When you are in bringing a child into the world, you need stability, support and understanding or else birth progress will be slower, you are more likely to experience discomfort and you are more likely to develop complications. Nature demands that you focus all of your attention on bringing your beautiful newborn into the world. Any doubts or fears that you might have, whether they are your partners or even your own, will only cause problems and prevent you having the birth that you want.

You will sense any fear that your partner has, which will actually increase your own fear, because, on a subconscious level, your body will start to believe that there is something to be afraid of.

You need your partner to be feeling as confident and calm as you are.

Yes, birth can be a scary prospect. Especially if it’s your first time, or even if you’re a veteran mummy. You still feel this apprehensive because every birth is wonderfully unique. You just don’t know how the birth will go- no one does as each and every pregnancy, birth, mother and baby is different. Your fear is primarily fear of the unknown.

But this doesn’t mean that you both have to just accept this fear. As you know, with a dose of education and some fear- management techniques, you can overcome this fear. You will both finally be able to feel confident and in control. And most importantly of all, your partner truly can support you in the way that he or she most wants at the time you need it the most.

How to help your partner

The best way to feel confident and empowered is to arm yourself with education. Take the time to understand the physical process of giving birth better so that you know what to expect at each stage. I recently wrote an excellent article that might help with this.

Secondly, create an honest environment for the two of you where you can really open up and share how you are feeling. Encourage them to talk and be willing to acknowledge your partner’s fears as well as your own, then work together as a team to provide support for each other.

Lastly, don’t forget to practice the effective techniques you learn in your Easibirthing classes, such as positive visualization, anchoring and effective breathing and share them with your partner. This will help the two of you to connect deeply, and he or she will also benefit personally from learning the techniques.

As you can see, your partner is just as apprehensive about the birth as you are. But by opening up, being honest about the way that you are feeling and taking steps to manage your fear, you will both move towards a beautiful and empowering birth.

Don’t forget to get in touch with me if you need any further support. That’s what I’m here for.

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